Goodbye Bali

Tonight I leave Bali for Singapore and I am grateful for my time here.

The island has been good to me and while it was not a "tropical paradise," it was a place for renewal, reflection, and joy.

I haven't spent much time on the internet doing my usual work--reading the nytimes like I did daily back in the U.S. I just read this article just now however, and now I realize clearly that the ny times shapes my tastes to the elites' and teaches me to complain and feel like life should be working out a certain more bourgeois way. I read once that in order to be a great leader, you shouldn't be reading periodicals like the NY Times or The Economist. You should be reading the great classics. I'm going to take that advice now.

In Bali, I contemplated poverty and the non-U.S. life. I remembered again how much I had loved to live in a different country. I remembered how much it bothered me that just because I was born in a different country, I get more privileges than any common person in Bali does.

In the U.S., I felt like a poor person, "needing" a job to get by. I felt discriminated against at times and sensitive of my identity as an Asian American. In Bali, I realized how I am an incredibly rich person in the world. I could afford anything here, every luxury, every fine dining experience that Agus and Wayan would never dream in a million years of being served at.

When I heard Agus and Wayan tell me that their dream was to work for a cruise line, employers notorious for exploiting and trapping laborers on boats for months, I realized that I have so many options. I can dream big and I actually have the realistic means to go for it. And I need to--to be given those opportunities and not do anything with them is clearly a waste. There are people here whose dreams are so limited.

In Bali, I remembered dreams from my youth to write from abroad and to tell the stories of those too poor to tell them themselves. I realized the dreams are very much still alive.

Bali helped me remember my dreams and stoked the passions that had lain dormant for some time. It showed me what was real and what was still alive--even after all the religious confusion and chaos. It showed me that I am privileged and that I want to make the most of it with joy and love for the rest of the world.

Thank you Bali. I'll be coming back soon.

Ubud-Lovina: At the bottom of a Waterfall

I left Sri Sunari Inn with a mournful heart...such jung had developed over the last week for the place, for Ubud, and for Nyoman and his nephews Agus and Wayan.

I loved my time in Ubud and never wanted to leave. The rice paddies, the delicious food, the staff at Sri Sunari that made me feel like family. Nyoman told me when I left, "I will miss you." The day before my last, I went with Agus and Wayan to their tourism vocational high school's English club and helped teach them and their classmates English. The students were so delightful I seriously thought about living in Bali and being an English teacher.

I fell in love with Agus and Wayan--they were adorable and I watched youtube videos with them in between trying to make reservations for the next leg of my trip. When we watched a Chris Brown music video of "With You" and oohed and ahed at Chris Brown's dancing moves sliding over sidewalks Agus stood up, shook his head, and said, "I don't think he can do this in Indonesia."

I said, "Why not?"

He said, "Because...in Indonesia, too many holes in the ground."

I laughed really hard. It's true. Way too many holes in the ground to be able to dance like Chris Brown.


Things I loved about Ubud:
The inn--the view, the breakfast, the room, the breeze. It was far from central Ubud but riding a bicycle and learning how to navigate Balinese traffic helped me feel like a local. I'll be writing a glowing review in tripadvisor.com when I get the chance. If I ever go back to Ubud, I will stay there.
The food--Ubud is known for having the best restaurants in Bali. I loved the baked goods at Casa Luna, the ginger fizz and Putu's chicken special at Wild Ginger Warung (Nyoman's wife's restaurant), and the Balispirit Kafe with lounge areas and a groovy atmosphere for reading and journaling.
The climate--never too cold, never too hot. Gray clouds with the occasional bright sun breaking through and lush green paddies everywhere.

I felt like I could live in Ubud for months and be very very happy.

The next couple of days, I will be in Lovina in North Bali. Lonely Planet describes Lovina as "The place to do nothing and love it." When I read that, I knew I had to come. Lovina is laid back and has a wonderful balmy spirit to it. Nothing too touristy or frenetic here.

From the south, it is a three hour drive to Lovina through mountains, rice terraces, volcanos, and lakes. On the way, we stopped at GitGit waterfall. I sat near the bottom of the waterfall and watched the water fall down and hit the rocks below. Green trees and foliage surrounded the sides and a calm stream flowed down the mountain. I sat there taking it all in and the realization that came up in my heart was this: My life feels balanced.

I let that sit for a while and then remembered why that was important. One year ago, I had sat in a therapist's office and she had asked me why I was there. I said, "I want my life to be balanced." She didn't understand and didn't seem to know how to help so I never went back. But I remember feeling so desperately that I needed balance--balance in my warring emotions, my angst, my fears, my doubts, pain, and sorrow. I felt stuck and vulnerable and knew that something was very much off kilter.

Just as a waterfall is both the crushing force of water on rocks below and the stream just a couple feet later gently flowing onward, I feel as if I've come to a place where all of that can happen at the same time in my life. I can accept the strong rush and force of certain situations and emotions and also see that a gentle stream is always present and never gone. All flows into one and comes from one. (I have to laugh at this point now--I can tell I sound very zen)

I am grateful for this time to experience and receive from God. My heart has been stirring a lot through these travels and so much has been coming to my awareness about vocation and calling and how I want to live my life. I'm excited to share with my friends in the days to come.

happy birthday hk!

today i turned 26. i didn't feel old as the days preceding it had me thinking. instead i felt grateful, wise, more ready to step fully into being a mature growing woman.

things i am learning in bali:

-- the art of doing nothing: i spend my days reading, thinking of where to eat next, reading some more, and riding my bike around, staring into rice paddy fields

--how to meet a french man on a bike tour and have dinner with him overlooking the campuan river valley without it being awkward. Vincent was his name. At the end of the night he said with a nice accent, "well that was short and sweet and the best day i've had since coming to bali!" hehe. we talked about elizabeth gilbert, chanel (he works for them), taize (he's gone before) and how he loves reading americans' writing and the way they make the french sound exotic. it was really funny watching him try to smoke, drink wine, and finish his hot green tea in the last few minutes before the restaurant staff kicked us out.

--how to be the last straggler on a bike tour down a volcano, have a bruised butt, and still love life

--how to relax and not be stressed but just enjoy the unwinding of a day, how to take it easy and be ok with not being so "consolidated"

Devilicious

Today is Bali's holiest day and men and women are dressed up. There are processions down decorated streets with the beating of drums and gongs and kids under dragon costumes (like the Chinese dragon).

I woke up and enjoyed a lovely breakfast prepared by Nyoman and relaxed by the pool, chatting with a couple other guests at the inn, a retired Australian teacher and a Brit. I'm starting to understand a little more of why people come here. There's this strange juxtaposition of poverty and shops for expats. David, the Australian told me that for him, it is cheaper to live in Bali for 2 months out of the year, than it is to just stay at home with his wife and eat in Melbourne. So they come here to stretch their retirement funds. Really interesting.

I ate at Devilicious, a Cajun warung and read some more of Middlemarch by George Eliot. It's such an excellent satirical book for religious girls like me.

Tonight, I'm going to a balinese dance and tomorrow, i'm doing a cycling tour of a nearby volcano. i'm looking forward to that.

i'm off to another massage now.

Reporting from Ubud, Bali

This morning, I got on a flight for Denpasar Bali and made it to Sri Sunari Inn, a homestay inn that I found on tripadvisor.com.

It's backdrop is rice paddy fields. Ducks muck about in the mud and everything is lush and green. Bali is different from what I imagined. It is beautiful but in a very raw, globalized, human way. Davey (in Japan) and Theresa (in Singapore) had warned me that Bali is very much a part of a developing country, not just some resort haven. I was a bit naiive and thought that since multitudes of expats are flocking there, it must be something akin to a cozier, cheaper Hawaii.

Instead, poverty is very apparent and stray dogs wander around everywhere. Many buildings seem to be in mid-construction.

For the first few hours of my arrival, I sat by the pool and looked out into the distance thinking, what was Elizabeth Gilbert thinking? In her Eat, Pray, Love book, she talks about how after a while of being here, she began to see that the Balinese were real people too with real problems underneath the contented smiles and their joy in working and serving. They weren't some pseudo godlike people who happened to strike the perfect balance between pleasure and work after all.

I could tell that as soon as I looked out my airplane window. It doesn't take much to recognize poverty and the effects of globalization. Anyways, the lack of awareness boggles me. I would have never mistaken the Balinese for some kind of perfectly balanced people. It's obvious it's a hardscrabble life here.

It's a bit far from the center of Ubud so Wayan, the nephew of Nyoman the manager, took me for a scooter ride to Nur Salon mid-afternoon. I treated myself to a traditional javanese massage--2 hours of massage, body scrub, and flower petal infused bath. I lay in the bathtub and looked up at the sky through my semi-open air room thinking, "My life feels the most random it has ever felt. wow."

Perhaps random is good. I don't know how else to describe being in tokyo, Singapore, and bali within the span of 3 days. It feels really bizarre and thrilling all at the same time.

My goal on this trip to Bali is pretty simple. To enjoy every day, to read a lot, to write, and to discover more of who God made me to be. I think it will be an interesting time.

Goodbye Tokyo--Hello Singapore

an old post from monday 8/18:

I am in Singapore today after arriving late last night from Tokyo. Joey's wedding was a bizarre and hilarious success complete with friends in kilts, tupac shakur rap songs, and yours truly playing to hundreds at their reception. They made everyone quiet down, gather around me, and put the spotlight on me. I just had to laugh at how funny and absurd it was. Joey got fanagled and tricked into doing a first dance with Ai during my song and he looked at me and pretended to slit his throat like "YOU are so dead!" He had a blast though and everyone howled and screamed for them.

Afterwards, we made our way to Ikebukuro, Tokyo to the Ale House, an underground pub that was rented out for all of Joey and Ai's close friends for an afterparty. We had unlimited drinks and food and partied until the last trains. I was so excited to see my friend Jeremiah Trusty from Wheaton at the pub. He is playing basketball with Athletes in Action and serving with Campus Crusade for Christ in Japan. Jeremiah used to direct a rockin gospel worship team at Wheaton and I was a part of that group. It was good to reminisce and share dreams again. Jeremiah used to talk in college about how he dreamt of doing a worldwide tour with a gospel group and how I would be the first person to call if he did end up doing it. The dream is still alive and once he heads home to Philly this September, he's going to try and realize it. Maybe next year, I'll be on an international gospel team with good ole JT.

Joey gets married today

The last few days were a blur. Kyoto was a bigger city than I thought and I was glad to sign up last minute for a tour of the major shrines and castles. I went to Nijo Castle, the Imperial Palace, and the Golden Pavilion. Nijo Castle was my favorite. I also met a solo female traveler, an Estonian New Yorker and I was glad for the encouragement for the next leg of my journey where I truly will be going solo.

Came back through Atami and stopped for a famous hot springs bath before heading back to Tokyo to join up with the Millards. Last night, I hung out with the ladies where we had a pseudo bachelorette night for Ai. We went to Christian Academy, and helped Ai set up the last of her decorations in the auditorium and cafeteria. Then we had a big meal of sushi and went to a shopping center to surprise her with a gift of lingerie. It was fun laughing with Ai and helping her take some of the wedding stress off. Then we went to an Italian cafe for dessert and a time of encouragement. We asked her questions for reflection and played games and prayed for her. Ana, Joey's sister, started crying as she prayed because she was so thankful that Ai was joining their family. They were friends first in Oregon where they both went to school before Joey entered the picture. It was really sweet and beautiful to witness the open hearts of love, the friendship and joy of families growing and relationships growing stronger.

I'm seeing old friends that I haven't seend in a while from Wheaton. I've also been pulled to sing a cover of Rosie Thomas song "You and me" for their reception. Yikes! Got to practice today.

One point of concern--i was never able to get my bali roundtrip ticket for singapore and I leave tomorrow. I'm going to try and buy it today but I may just need to buy it at the counter. Anybody ever done that before?

I'm off to prepare for the wedding...listening to Ai and Joey talk about their feelings on getting married--I realized, it's just this impossible decision that you make to do something you feel like you have no idea about. It's a wild decision that you make and somehow, unbeknownst to yourself, you just keep sticking with it each day until one day you are finally married. It's been encouraging for me to hear how much they are unsure too and don't feel ready and have wanted to pull out and still can't believe it's happening. The difference between them and me is that they were eventually able to just accept the chaos, the uncertainty, and the messiness of it all.

Aight, I'm out. Let's hope bali flights work out. and Congratulations to Ai and Joey!

(by the way, my English on this blog wil certainly get worse and worse. Be prepared--this happens when I visit Asia)

Leaving on a bullet train

Today I board the shinkansen for Kyoto.  Doing touristy stuff makes me feel perpetually jetlagged and off but I think it will be nice to ride the bullet train and see the countryside.  Japan is very green and beautiful.  

Yesterday, Joey took a couple of us to see the Meiji shrine and the Harajuku and Shibuya Districts.  We ate yummy sushi, gawked at the Harajuku girls (people really like to dress up here, and were absolutely enthralled with the store, Loft.  Loft is a 5 floor store with everything beautiful you can think of but the best is the 1st floor filled with stationery and notebooks and pens and art supplies and japanese papers.

After we came back, Joey and Ana took us to one of their favorite Japanese diners.  They have been going there for over 20 years.  It was this tiny hole in the wall place with only room for a bar and a small table at the back of the store.  We ate hot yakisoba and lots of pork and eggplant dishes.  Yum, homestyle Japanese cooking.

It's been interesting being here.  The thing I like the most is that everything is so clean and userfriendly.  The bathrooms never smell, there are bidets everywhere, and everything is my size.  The mechanical designs of everything from kitchens to trucks and subway stations are so intuitive that I just think, why has America not done this yet?  They even have textured tiles in the middle of sidewalks and walkways so that blind people can follow them and know where they are going.  And the 7-11s.  Oh man, filled to the brim with delectable snacks, drinks, breads, and curry pockets.  I'm getting hungry.  Time for breakfast!

Doomo Japan!

Hello all, I made it to Tokyo with only one throwup incident in the airplane and most exciting of all, I was on the same flight as COMMON!!! I didn't even recognize him and his entourage until Jacob pointed him out at the baggage claim. He was just a few feet away from me. Wow, what an exciting start to an Asia adventure of a lifetime!

A bus ride to Nishihoya (West Tokyo City, Tokyo Prefecture) reunited me with my dear friend Joey Millard, his two brothers Davey and Noah, and his sister Ana, Yumiko (Davey's wife), Hannah-a cousin, and Ai, the soon to be wife of Joey.

We went to the public bathhouse and bathed up. I got to know the ladies fast as we bonded over boiling water. Then we hit up a snack shop and ate a midnight snack of aloe juice and curry on rice.

Today we are off to Tokyo to see the sights. It's been a great start. It's always a party with the Millards and I feel blessed to be here. They asked me, is Japan like Korea? Japan actually feels like a combination of England, France, and Korea. I like it.

Ciao till next time. Arigato.

Last Day Pic with Jess

My favorite coworker and I. I'll miss her. She helped me get through this summer and go deeper.

She gave me a card and it says:
"You're gonna travel!!! Your time traveling is a joy, a time you'll never forget, a time to seek God's direction for the next path you'll take. Enjoy it! No Panic Moments! Turn to him in all things. Don't let anything steal the joy in this time of your life."

AWWWWWWWWWWW. See what I mean? She is a gem.

Wrapping UP

I'm wrapping up here and tying up loose ends with job, apartment, travel plans.

Yesterday, I did a headstand away from the wall for the first time. It's a time for new experiences, new challenges, and growth.

What have you done new this week?

My Day: Farewell Lunch, Centering Prayer, Driving

Today, my office went out for a farewell lunch. I stuffed myself silly with thai noodles, we laughed, we shared. At the end of the day, my boss came over to my desk and prayed for me. They all blessed me and said, we know this is what you need to do.

For all those who know me, you know that at times I have hated this job.  But today, I felt incredibly blessed to be released and blessed by my boss and coworkers.  I've grown to love them, to accept their humanity, and to be thankful for the really good things about them.

I drove away feeling incredibly happy.  Something had shifted in my heart.

Then I went to Centering Prayer group to join two of the loveliest women.  I stuffed myself silly with guacamole and chips.  I seriously have no shame about eating a ton of food.  It was my last week with them before departing on the trip.  I am thankful for the love they have shown me, the food S. has given me, and the support I have received to continue in my centering prayer practice and readings. 

I drove from that to Genebeb's house thinking, I am so grateful and proud of myself.  The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life and yet every single day, I chose to confront my pain, my fears, and go for this trip to Asia.  Now, less than a week before my departure date, I am exhilarated by the possibilities.  I am so excited that I am doing this.  And I know it's going to change my life.  I really went for it with this one peeps!  I didn't back down even when others bailed and crazy life got in the way.  I kept going.  And it is amazing to be here in this place with expectation.

That's all for now.  I just wanted to write that.  And how do you know I'm in SoCal?  Because I'm always driving.

I love...

I looooove Gentle Yoga with B.S. Oh man. That class rocks my body. Yesterday we worked on the chest and upper back.

I love my new blue nalgene bottle with a small drinking spout.

I love new haircuts.

I love Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening. This book rocks my sanity.

Going for it!: Surf Goddess Retreat

Find more photos like this on Surf Goddess Retreats Network

When I saw this website a month ago, my heart jumped and I screamed. I thought, holy shit! Are you kidding me? I am SO on board. (pun unintended :)

And then I saw the price tag. And I stalled. And then I didn't sign up. And then they had no availability left.

Last week I was kicking myself. I vowed that I would do it sometime in my lifetime. I also sent off an email to them just to check and see if they had any cancellations. They didn't.

Well, over the weekend, they sent me another email and said they just had a cancellation. Would I be interested?

I jumped. I hollered. And then I thought about it for a half day, analyzing my budget. If I did this retreat, it would blow my budget by almost $2000. That is really blowing a budget. I kept looking at the website and shrieking in excitement. And then I said no, no. I'll be fine not doing it. I'll just spend a whole lot less, go to some yoga classes, and do a lot of writing.

Well, I woke up this morning and thought about what it looks like for me to GO for it. The retreat popped up in my head. Then I got to work and talked to my favorite coworker, Jessica. She has surfed before and I asked her what it is like. I told her about the retreat. And you know what she said? Even after I told her the pricetag?

She said:

"I've been reading books about girls learning how to surf and it is an amazing thing. The feel of waiting for a wave, being out on the water, catching a wave...there's nothing like it. Go for it. Do this for yourself! When are you going to get another chance like this? When you come back, you will have finished this big trip to Asia...you probably won't go back soon and who knows, life changes, you may get married, you may have kids....this is your chance!!!! And THINK Hanna, think about the thousands of dollars people spend on a wedding that only lasts 4 hours. This will be so much more meaningful and exciting than 4 hours! Do this for yourself!"

I laughed a lot and shrieked some more. I'm going to do it! AHHHHHHHHH

Word: Keep Going On

The word in my life lately has been "keep going on."

First, my mother said it to me on Friday.

Then, on Saturday, I attended Kollaboration's Acoustic Show 2 and the theme was about empowerment for Asian Americans in entertainment and art.  PK, founder and host, kept reiterating that you must never stop but keep going on to be an artist.  He listed the breakthroughs that have happened in the last 8 years as a result of the show.  Judy Chu, chair of the California State Board for Equalization, came on stage to talk about political breakthroughs and never giving up.  John Chiang, State Controller, came on stage too, to encourage the audience to keep going.

Then this morning, I went to All Saints Church and Gary Hall was in town as a guest preacher.  He is one of my favorite preachers and he preached on the passage where Jacob wrestles with God and gets his hip dislocated and then his name changes to Israel.  Gary Hall's message?  God blesses Jacob because he doesn't stop.  He keeps going on, even when his hip is dislocated.  He keeps going on, even when his life is falling apart.  He keeps going on and God respects him and blesses him.

I just need to take a moment there to take that in.  I look at my life and so much of my life, I have not kept going on.  Usually, I do a massive google internet search to get all the facts and info about some vocational path or life decision, and then decide not to go for it because there are too many cons.

I'm realizing now that everything, absolutely everything has its cons.  But you keep going on.  You take the plunge and you take the bad with the good...otherwise, you will never experience the good and most importantly, you will never grow and change and move beyond what you know.

I think this is a deep topic that I will be pondering a lot on my trip to Asia, especially in Bali where I'll be doing a personal yoga/writing retreat.  What does it look like for me to keep going on?  What have I given up on because I was afraid or discouraged by the downside of a certain path?

I have had major trauma associated with my decision making.  One woman listened to my story and said my trauma had been a result of my naivete.  I think that worried me even more and I started trying to analyze every single decision to make sure I didn't make a mistake, so that I wouldn't be "naive" again.  I'm realizing now that analysis or just staying in the head to find the answer doesn't work.  I need to act, try it out, see if I like it with first hand experience.  Do I want to sign up for a certain program?  Then I need to fly and go see what it's like for the weekend.  Do I need to make a decision about vocation?  Then instead of wondering if I am the right person for it by analyzing my self, I should go try it out and see how it feels.  I'm starting to find my way out of my trauma and grow.  It feels really good.  It feels like God is blessing me.

Kollaboration's Acoustic Show

This video from a performance at UC Merced doesn't quite do the song justice but my brother performed his original song "Shots and Beers" last night at the Ford Amphitheatre for Kollaboration's Acoustic Show.  He was the last performer and his performance was spellbinding.

It was really neat to sit in the audience and see how much my brother has grown as an artist and is just going for it and not stopping.  I was so proud.  He won 2nd place last night.

This guy, Paul Dateh performed as a guest musician and was amazing.

I also really liked The Shinobies.

Level 1 yoga with Bruce

Today, I let myself enjooooy the morning, laying awake with my earplugs, the occasional cries of the baby and the screaming green parrots barely making a ripple on the surface of my content conscience.

I love my mom for snapping me out of it.  I love the pink flowers that greeted my sleepy eyes.  I love Saturday mornings.

I went to Level I yoga with Bruce at 9 am.  Hot damn.  That class near killed me.  At one point, I thought I was going to puke.  At another, I thought that I was going to fall over and my leg muscles give out.  Throughout the entire class, my body kept going in and out of vibrating numbness.  I kind of think that is not normal.  Or is it?  Any yogis out there know?  In one pose, my whole abdomen started convulsing.  I'm laughing just remembering.  I felt like such a dork.

But I made it.  And it was good to experience once again that hard work pays off.  Mindfulness, awareness, being grounded in the present are all absolutely necessary to survive a workout like that.  It carries you through the day and pretty much beats any fear inside of your cowering chest away and replaces it with a burning fire and confidence in your own spirit.

pink flowers

i love waking up to pink flowers--spray roses in a clear vase.

I love my mom

My mom came back today from a weeklong conference in Wheaton, Illinois where over 5,000 Korean missionaries from all over the U.S. gathered to network and train.

It was at my alma mater, and she called me mid-week to say, "Hi, I'm here at your old school.  Remembering when I first came your freshman year.  It makes me so happy to be here, remembering how proud my heart was that you were coming here.  I'm eating at the cafeteria and we're meeting in your old dorm."

Awww.  

I was in a stressed out tizzy today, like I have been for much of this week and last.  Except today it was particularly bad.  I was laying in bed and the word "catatonic" came to mind.  I did centering prayer for an unknown amount of time, prayed  a lot, and basically asked God to please relieve the fucking stress.  I was willing to surrender all and everything to get rid of the stress.  I didn't say fucking then.  But it feels nice to say it now.

I wandered into my mom's room and sat down in the chair.  And then I opened my mouth and said, mom, I am really stressed out.  I told her why and she sat listening to me with a soft smile.  She didn't say much.

And in the end, when I was all done and looking at her with "help me" eyes, she looked at me and said, "Don't worry so much.  Just keep going on."

Exhale.

Wow.  Just keep going on?  That did it folks.  That's all I needed to hear.  Sometimes, you just need someone you love and trust to not freak out that you are freaking out and tell you not to worry.  Tell you keep going on and don't stop living.  I realized how much I had let stress keep me from going on.

I had become obsessed with knowing if what I was doing was right or wrong and that is always the first step into a living hell.

When I stop living in grace, stop accepting myself, stop being present in the body, and start trying to figure out if I am right or wrong from my head, my life quickly becomes crap.  I had some serious moments there where I thought that my anxiety meant that I was out of favor with God.  Protestant theology dies hard, it really dies hard.

Richard Rohr says in A Hope Against Darkness, "In the moments of insecurity and crisis, shoulds and oughts don't really help, they just increase the shame, guilt, pressure and likelihood of backsliding.  It's the deep yeses that carry you through.  It's that deeper something you are strongly for that allows you to wait it out.  It's someone you absolutely believe in and your will is committed to.  In plain language, love wins out over guilt any day." (69)

He also says, "Once the dualistic mind takes over, the ego is back into a 'pick, choose and decide' game, which is the beginning of exclusionary, punishing and even violent religion.  Remember, anthropologically religion begins with the making of a distinction between the pure and the impure.  Jesus consistently ignores such a distinction." (70)

Here's to all of us suffering from the anxieties of our small heads:  Don't worry so much.  Keep going on.  You will find life.