Word: Keep Going On

The word in my life lately has been "keep going on."

First, my mother said it to me on Friday.

Then, on Saturday, I attended Kollaboration's Acoustic Show 2 and the theme was about empowerment for Asian Americans in entertainment and art.  PK, founder and host, kept reiterating that you must never stop but keep going on to be an artist.  He listed the breakthroughs that have happened in the last 8 years as a result of the show.  Judy Chu, chair of the California State Board for Equalization, came on stage to talk about political breakthroughs and never giving up.  John Chiang, State Controller, came on stage too, to encourage the audience to keep going.

Then this morning, I went to All Saints Church and Gary Hall was in town as a guest preacher.  He is one of my favorite preachers and he preached on the passage where Jacob wrestles with God and gets his hip dislocated and then his name changes to Israel.  Gary Hall's message?  God blesses Jacob because he doesn't stop.  He keeps going on, even when his hip is dislocated.  He keeps going on, even when his life is falling apart.  He keeps going on and God respects him and blesses him.

I just need to take a moment there to take that in.  I look at my life and so much of my life, I have not kept going on.  Usually, I do a massive google internet search to get all the facts and info about some vocational path or life decision, and then decide not to go for it because there are too many cons.

I'm realizing now that everything, absolutely everything has its cons.  But you keep going on.  You take the plunge and you take the bad with the good...otherwise, you will never experience the good and most importantly, you will never grow and change and move beyond what you know.

I think this is a deep topic that I will be pondering a lot on my trip to Asia, especially in Bali where I'll be doing a personal yoga/writing retreat.  What does it look like for me to keep going on?  What have I given up on because I was afraid or discouraged by the downside of a certain path?

I have had major trauma associated with my decision making.  One woman listened to my story and said my trauma had been a result of my naivete.  I think that worried me even more and I started trying to analyze every single decision to make sure I didn't make a mistake, so that I wouldn't be "naive" again.  I'm realizing now that analysis or just staying in the head to find the answer doesn't work.  I need to act, try it out, see if I like it with first hand experience.  Do I want to sign up for a certain program?  Then I need to fly and go see what it's like for the weekend.  Do I need to make a decision about vocation?  Then instead of wondering if I am the right person for it by analyzing my self, I should go try it out and see how it feels.  I'm starting to find my way out of my trauma and grow.  It feels really good.  It feels like God is blessing me.