mean people

i think people are mean when they're not enjoying life. i suppose there are people who enjoy life and are mean. but it's pretty hard to be mean if you're loving life because you want other people to love life too. don't you think? why do you think people are mean?

christmas

family
unexpected family
ham
baked hash browns with bacon and sour cream
sour cream and blueberries and blackberries
on french toast with brown sugar and maple syrup
too much sour cream
at 1 pm
the dog yelps
she's mad at the homestay boy from korea
she shits on his christmas gift, a powder blue hooded sweatshirt
he takes it to the wash
scowling
perplexed
how could she not like me?
we were getting along so well
he sticks a piece of american cheese on his boiling pot of ramen
stirs it until it's disappeared
and we can only smell it
like dog food
the dog is going crazy
christmas
family
or as my mom exclaimed when jacob found two piles of dried shit under the formal dining table
and my dad picked it up with a napkin
are you happy or full of shit?

Movies I want to watch

The Class
Gran Torino

Vicky Cristina Barcelona Irvine

Yesterday I sneaked Vietnamese sandwiches into the theatre and ate my chicken baguette while watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I liked how the movie transported me to Spain for a couple of hours. The stereotypes are accurate, the screenwriting is self-conscious and witty, the acting is quite good. Penelope Cruz makes a beautiful krazy woman and I thought the genius of the movie was in showing a variety of worldviews and being equally convincing. It was a lot of fun. I recommend it.

This morning I dragged myself out of sleep (I dreamt about getting into UCSD's master's in English program and wandering around the campus, wondering if I should go to law school or med school) and went to go check out J. and I's new apartment two buildings over. It's a two story townhouse style flat on the 3rd and 4th floor of the building. There is east light in the 2 bedrooms and living room. There's an entryway, a separate dining area, a counter begging for barstools. Not too shabby for campus housing. I felt so grown up. I think that's why I started acting out like a five year old. We signed the lease, made it official. He's moving in this week.

Feel what you feel, said Farzy of Yoga House. I'm going to do that because I'm still in shock that I'm actually going to be living in the OC, the freaking orange curtain. This man really must be something else.

In Irvine

It's raining outside. Soft patters. Gray ocean mist covers us. I'm moving here in a few months. We just looked at apartments. A year ago, I would have been frazzled. Today, I feel confident and hopeful of the possibilities.

Merry Christmas everyone. Peace and hope and love to you.

Wow, a great article

Carlos Mencia writes about finding your passion in a time of unemployment. It's fantastic.

Tribune files for bankruptcy

It's been downhill for a long time.  But I'm still sad to see this.

Castle Green Holiday Home Tour

I got free passes to the Castle Green Holiday Home Tour so I took J. and my housemate. Castle Green is one of the oldest buildings still standing in L.A. County. We had sangria, Mexican pozole, and little curry bites from Dickinson's West Catering. We heard a little on the history of the place and then started from the penthouse down, visiting around 22 of the 50 condos there open for viewing.

There were condos decorated in mid-Century decor. Others represented original 1920s design and others were just breathtakingly eclectic and artistic. Many of the residents are architects, artists, or writers.

Gorgeous condos. Immediately I started thinking about how much money I needed to make a down payment on one of them. J. told me his first thought was, "Damn, I picked the wrong career."

What do these people do that they can afford to live in these beautifully stirring flats? They do these tours twice a year for $20 a pop. A few of them were for sale.

Late night thoughts

My blog is so disorganized. I need a system.

Complaining about having too many friends to pick from is pretty snobby. I'm a snob!

But a reformed snob. I am now grateful for my friends.

Exercise, wonderful roommates, and going out to a really good smelling coffee shop can make you wake up a different woman. Thank you Lord.

I had my last journalism class today and things are falling into place. I'm being guided by the light within and my trusty mission statement.

I drove by my wedding venue at 5pm today and it looked so beautiful in the setting sky. I'm excited!

I love video gchat. It's especially awkward and funny when you im a friend who you've never done it with. like steph in the morning with my british friends in tow. it's a little crazy to answer a video chat ring to see three faces staring at you, two of which you don't know huh?

life is good.

Letterpress

I love letterpress. sigh. When it comes to paper, ink, text, and design, I am forever the little girl who could spend hours touching, looking, and making cards and stationary.

Yesterday, I signed up for a letterpress class. It starts January and its at the same place as my first class last summer.

Project brainstorm:
- Bookmark favors for wedding
- personalized stationary for friends and family
- thank you cards
- change of address postcards
- more personalized stationary for myself :)
- business cards (if the instructor lets me--apparently the small size makes it difficult for beginners)

Any other ideas out there? Ooh, I just thought of a couple more that I need to keep secret.

This time I'm going to try and carve out some linoleum blocks before class starts.

Mission Statements

A month ago, I was getting that ole feeling of hyperventilation/anxiety about feeling like my life was worthless because a) I was unemployed b) I didn't know what I wanted to do c) I wasn't making any money.

It's truly a miracle that someone like me has continued to quit her jobs before she has gotten another one. Each time, I cry, I freak out, but in the end, feel like that is what I need to do, regardless of how uncertain the time will be before I find a new job. I'm glad too for the courage to quit because I've always ended up doing things I never thought I would that helped me get to the next thing in life.

I decided to pray and remember what I had learned in Asia and this past summer. Nothing good comes out of worrying. And I do know what I want to do and the next step I need to take. I just need to listen to my self.

Somehow in the midst of my praying, I came up with a brilliant plan that seemed like it was straight from God herself. I wanted to do freelance writing and write novels. How could I support myself? By becoming a community college teacher of course! That way, I wouldn't have to be pressured to publish but could teach (which I love) and have flexibility as an adjunct professor.

I started looking at M.A. in English programs in earnest.

Well, this week, I finally had a chat with a wonderful woman at a local community college that my friend Lyds had connected me to. She has her Ph.D. in English as well as a Masters in TESL and is a fabulous human being. Down to earth, laid back, generous, funny, sincere, intelligent, sharp. She helped me figure out what I needed to talk to her about and I walked away feeling so encouraged. I got a very good idea of what it is like to be a community college teacher and how to get there. The next day, she even contacted me and helped me connect with the chair of the English Department for a more in depth conversation on hiring practices and advice for applying to grad school programs.

The more time lapsed from that meeting, the more I realized that something was off. The conversation had been great and informative. But it had also made me see the realistic side to that career. The fact was that she was a busy person. She felt like she finally had time to enjoy life other than work. And she warned me that although there is no pressure to publish academic papers, I will have tons of grading to do. Grading of bad writing no less.

My perfect plan started to disintegrate FAST. I realized that perhaps this wasn't the best way to tend to what I really wanted to do--freelance journalism and writing.

Which brings me to the main point of this post. I am such a planner. My family really drilled that into me. That I need a predictable career plan that I keep going on and then reach with wild success and acclaim. But planning NEVER works. Project planning is good. Life planning? It makes you inflexible, closed off to opportunities and spontaneity, shut off from the depths of your mysterious soul.

To keep me from always going into default planning mode, I decided to create a mission statement so that whatever I do, it comes from a deep unshakable conviction of what I feel called to in life. Instead of planning to get to that mission statement, I'm going live out the mission statement and be open to where it takes me. I think I'm going to have a lot more fun and do things I never thought I would.

As simple as it could be, my mission statement:
I am called to tell stories.

Jones Coffee Roasters

I think this is my new favorite coffee spot in Pasadena. The coffee is some of the best I have had. They roast coffee beans throughout the day so it smells delicious and dark and rich in the shop. The shop is a half open warehouse so it has a cool artsy loft feel. They play good jazz music at the perfect volume. There's a big hanging red and gold lantern that I like to stare at. The people behind the counter are nice and give you free refills sometimes. It makes you feel like you're living.

An unusual week

turkey
roast beef
dog attacks
cesar milan therapy
four christmases
steel paddles
the oc
a bishop in purple
the shack
long beach apartments
viento y agua
chicago friend
surprise kisses cookies
soontofu
wedding planning