Playing it by ear... and mouth

I realize that this blog is sort of turning into a "how to get over a breakup" writing project but I hope to make it more than that. It's a place where I make mental notes on living well (which happens to do a lot with recovery in all shapes and sizes) and get to share my passion for food, travel, spirituality, and friends. The Flying Nun is also a motif for me, an archetype of a woman who finds her self in enclosure, and yet has the unconventionality and freedom to fly. I think it is a fitting motif for me in this season.

On the latest friend share front, I had a heartwarming gchat with S. about breakups. She is going through a big one as well (although I don't think anybody I know can beat mine), and I love the way that she is handling it. Since breaking up with my fiance, I have been inundated with advice about exactly how to handle it and pursue life afterwards and frankly, I got hysterically annoyed. Well meaning friends were telling me to stay away from him for 1 year. Others were telling me to seriously consider no contact for 6 months. Still others told me that I should commit to 2 months of no contact. I started being very selective about who I spoke with and began to treasure the friends who did not give me advice. Instead they said, "Hanna, do what works for you. You two were a unique couple and what worked for someone else will not work for you. Do what works for you."

That is exactly what I need. No superimposed rules but developing an ear to listen, to feel out life, and to go with my heart. That is what I have been trying to learn these last few years.

Back to S. She said that instead of thinking about her post-breakup time as a time of "moving forward and getting on with life," she thinks of it as a time to discover her self. "Moving forward language is so negative," S. said. I agree. I've been trying those words out in my head, and it always grips my heart with sadness. But when I think of discovering my self, anything is possible and life feels full and wonderful, even when we don't get what we desired. We can trust that if we don't get back together, it is because I or him were better off without each other and with whatever pure love we have for that person, we can be deeply grateful that the other has found happiness beyond our own individual desires.

For her, playing it by ear has led her to create a timeline since she confesses that she is both vulnerable and undisciplined when it comes to these matters. This is to protect herself in case her man wants to get back together and she is not ready.

So I speak mostly to myself when I write this: Discover your self, wherever you are at in life. Play it by ear. And when that ear tells you to create a timeline or simple rule that works for you, do it. And then keep playing it by ear.

And here's some playing it by mouth. My favorite food blogger, David Lebovitz, just posted about a very simple chocolate Florentine recipe from the Ottolenghi Cookbook. It looks absolutely scrumptious, and I hope you enjoy. Here's another review about the cookbook by Heidi Swanson of 101cookbooks.com.

Bon appetit and strength for the journey.