Forgiveness and Indiana Jones

It's been nice to have Rosa around. Today, we had a slow morning, went our separate ways during the afternoon, missed a Taize service together, sat in silent prayer at All Saints Church, shared chicken porridge and charbroiled pork pho at Pho 79, and watched Indiana Jones at the Pacific Paseo.  

I appreciated her today because she listened to me when my thoughts kept going back and picking up conversations we had stopped a block and a half ago.  Returning to a physical space pops me right back into the last conversation I had in the place.  One example:  we stopped by my apartment before pho to get some movie tickets.  When we got back to the car, I opened the door and went right back into the conversation we had been talking about when we had parked the car.  I didn't even need to explain who "she" was that I was asking about.  Rosa flowed right along.  This usually drives other people nuts and they like to mock me even if they may know what I'm talking.  "What was that again, Hanna?  Who are you talking about?  We're not mind readers."  Thankfully, I don't need to be around annoying people like that.

I processed in this way all evening with Rosa and that, along with the time of prayer at All Saints, helped open the door to forgiveness in my heart full of anger.  Anger is a beast.  As hard as we try and get rid of it, we can't.  It sticks and sticks to us until we're soaked through and through.  Interestingly enough, Thich Naht Hanh says that you should embrace anger to the point of realizing, "I am anger."  I don't know how I feel about that.  But I've been reading Peace is Every Step and its comforting to know that people have been studying for centuries the path to peace and overcoming the anger and hurt in our souls.  Anyways, with the help of Jesus and Rosa and all of that on and off processing, I came to a place where forgiveness met me and opened up my heart.  And you know what happened?

I groaned.  I clutched my heart and let out a huge groan as we walked away from the Bank of America ATM.  Rosa was a bit startled.  She said, "Oh my gosh, I won't mention his name again."  Forgiveness is a beast too.  But a gentler beast.  Forgiveness hurts a bit more.  You are filled with longing and sadness.  But it makes you feel free.  And it makes you feel like you are more than just anger.  You are alive, full of emotion, full of heart and sadness, hurt and joy, beauty and creation.  You can be at peace with yourself even if there is so much in your heart.  There is love enough for peace.

p.s.  my laptop has a piece of plastic that is cracking off.  what is up with that?