challenge yourself

i came across a good friend, J.V., and his soon to be fiance at jenny and rob's wedding last week. he has recently decided to go to law school after starting an m.s. in social work and dropping out. he'd been wanting to do that for so long that i had to ask, why law school? what made you change your mind?

he said quite simply: i asked myself what i could do to challenge myself. because i want to keep challenging myself and growing...otherwise, it doesn't hold any appeal for me. social work didn't challenge me and it wasn't who i am. once i started, i could tell it wasn't a good fit.

i left that conversation intrigued and inspired.

#1 he tried something he had really wanted to do yet had the grace to recognize when it wasn't working for him and leave it

#2 he thinks of vocation as finding work that is challenging and of his true self. he'll be studying immigration reform and human rights...something that completely fits him.

For the last couple of years, I've been repeating this mantra of "What do you want?" For so long, I had felt deprived of exploring my desires and living from my heart, only knowing what was "right" or "wrong" according to religion, parents, people in authority. I embraced exploring what I wanted with gusto. Yet, I have reached a point in that journey where I feel stuck. There is more to life than knowing what you want. Challenging yourself means not just being happy that you're getting everything that you want. It means being stretched, learning something new, possibly being humiliated, definitely rejected, and coming out alive and new and different at the end.

I'm ready to move from "what I want" to "how can i challenge myself." I talked about this with my friend B. over french dipped sandwiches at Philippe's the next day. He said, "I feel caught between being happy to be content with my life now and being discontented, wanting more and better." He described the tension and dichotomy of finding happiness well.

The beauty of how my friend J.V. put it is this: You are happy and content to challenge yourself now. Not only is there deep happiness from accepting all of who you are and your present circumstances, there is happiness in seeking to grow and challenge yourself. No need for discontentment. You can have both.

I asked myself on Sunday, how can I challenge myself?

Here it is:
By October 1st, write one song and write 100 pages of my novel.