Contemplative Anxiety

This week challenged much of what I have been learning as a fledgling contemplative.

Drama over housing escalated each day until Saturday night, the only way I could make myself sleep was to think of everything I was grateful for. It was either that or gnawing anxiety.

Sunday, I had a wonderful time touching base with friends B. and G. on our spiritual lives. We all had very stressful weeks and it was good to be encouraged by each other's journeys.

I also read more of Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening by Cynthia Bourgeault. It is such a fantastic book and helps synthesize and bridge my theological backgrounds and leanings. One thing she said shocked me. She said centering prayer reduces anxiety in the beginning but then actually increases anxiety after the initial learning phase. That's because your unconscious starts unloading all your repressed pain and memories and brings it to the surface. That is part of the healing process.

When I read that, I thought, are you kidding me? Is my increased anxiety level due to not only life situations but my centering prayer Jesus love time? I got over my initial shock however and decided to be encouraged instead. I often get anxious about the fact that I am anxious. I want to fix the anxiety or stop it and start being hard on myself for being anxious. I think the word Thomas Keating uses is "recrimination." It's good to know that sometimes, you're anxious and there are good reasons for it. You just let it percolate and you move on, just like you do in centering prayer.